At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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