Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
