I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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