u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
