I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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