i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wanna go halves on a baby?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she peed on how many people?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
