I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
