i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
