My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
