Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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