its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
