We won't sleep together?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
