I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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