woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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