He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
