in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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