I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When are your genitals available?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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