why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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