its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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