What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
