I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize