my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
