no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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