You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Semen is not good for contacts.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
