i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Boobs are out for the taking
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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