he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
