Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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