Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she looked like the before picture.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
