If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize