the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
