doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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