He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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