If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
