My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
