My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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