i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So vagazzling was a success
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize