she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
