I wannas sexs uuuuu
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
