dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
