Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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