my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
