I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
