She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
