I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
