I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
im on a boat
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