just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize