hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize