Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
