so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize