are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
