I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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