i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he thought i was a dude.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
