he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
