i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize