Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
