Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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