forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
