A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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