I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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