Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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