so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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