That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
