fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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