There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
