she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
