Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize