so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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