Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
