somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
