here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
