I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
