I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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