so that wasnt chicken after all
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
