Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
