first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
