it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
