Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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