Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
