when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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