so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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