Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
