Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
