I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
