Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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