i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
