I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize