The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
