Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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