Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
