If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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